Cookie cutter support.
It’s been a rough two weeks of rapid changes and finding out what some of my closest friends would do for me when I need it the very most. Oddly and scarily enough, the people who did the most to help me and get me through the bullshit, were people who didn’t really know me well enough to have to do anything. But I’ll never forget what they did for me and who was there vs. who wasn’t.
It’s a sad and harsh lesson when you realize that you can’t and shouldn’t expect people to do for you, what you’d do for them when you really need it. Sucks to say, but not only did quite a few people let me down, but a lot of them made me feel bad for even asking for help. I doubt anyone noticed, but I sincerely don’t WANT or ENJOY asking for help. It’s greeeeat to know the people I thought I could count on could make me feel like a burden or a failure for ever being at a low point. C’est la vie. I won’t break for anyone or anything and just like any low point in life, it’s only bound to last so long before people can get through it with some new clarity and a stronger sense of hope for self and love and respect for the few that stand up. In this case, quite a few people, despite their situations, offered me a lot. It means the world to me. I’ll never forget either side of the daggers I’ve been stabbed with. Thats just me.. Emotionally ranting and obviously maybe more affected in this situation by my own thoughts and feelings than maybe others would be. Love me or leave me.
Otherly, (is that a word?) things are still rapidly changing but atleast I have a place to lay my body down when I return to NY. I’m in Florida right now on vacation and it’s amazing to be here for more than two days w/ my family. I miss them so much but I’ve atleast committed myself to NY for the next couple of years.
My dog is amazing. He follows me around and has unlimited energy.
I flew in Saturday and The plane, while not full, was full of idiots. The flight attendant had to tell everyone around me to turn off their cell phones, mp3 players, as well as lifting their trays and sitting upright. Is this your first time flying?! Do you need to question what type of beverages are available?! Do I need to hear as soon as we land about everything you have in your mind to spew into your cell phone. Eep. Fucking cunts got nerve, in the worst way.
After touch down it wasn’t so hot out. Waiting for my dad to pick me up I watched the cab drivers scream at eachother. Thinking to myself, you all don’t have the guts to fight like the guy and girl who were scrapping in harlem just hours earlier as I watched from my room window. They were rolling around on a car hood and she was swinging some kind of diesel long stick at him. Without my glasses it appeared to be a man vs. tranny fight. Step your fight game up, FL cabbies.
I came home and greeted mom and dog quite happily. My dog in excitement ended up giving me a bruise on my face. I’ll pretend it’s cute and not mind it there. He’s awesome anyways.
After dinner with the folks went out to see a friend’s band play. He’s a drummer and his sister is a singer and they’re quite talented. Although it was christian music and was at a place of worship. If you know me, you can guess how uncomfortable I was at times. Although I’d do anything for my friends and it was WELL worth it to watch them. Sometimes you just have to do things like that, and it was amazing to see him again. They’ll go far if they keep at it.
Leaving at 12am I was talking to a friend about what she was doing but opted to go home and play w/ my dog and settle in since I had been on the run for so long and talking to people, making arrangements for this upcoming week.
Later I got a series of texts from her. This is how it went down.
Her: can I touch you
me: are you drunk?
Her: a little. And I want to make out.
(after this it was about 3am and I had fallen asleep)
her: where are you?
(35 min later)
her: ur gross
So I guess since I don’t give it up, I’m a gross slut. Meh. So be it. I’ve been called worse. I’ve been kicked out of better beds!
Slept till 12:30 today and it’s the latest I’ve slept since I’ve moved away. Amazing to be in my own bed. Esp, since in the last bed I was in, something was constantly biting my ass, hips, and thighs. Bed bugs? What the fuck are they, really?
This is so long, if you’re reading this you deserve 14 gold stars.
Going to see my brother tonight at his place. Trying to do as much as humanly possible while I’m here. I wish I could stay.
Reading ‘GLUE’ by irvine welsh. Amazing. It’s written in an english/scottish phonetic. So that took a while to get into. Now I fly through it. It’s about friendship and the lives of certain boys growing up in the Edinburgh projects. He’s a great writer and I’m learning so much slang and appreciation for his style of writing. He also wrote trainspotting amongst many other novels.
After I get home tonight I plan to write till the sun comes up, as long as there is substance in my head and heart.
Next vacation I think I’m going to Arizona. Those cats and kittens are the bestest. Or so it seems.
Peep this: http://andreajanderson.blogspot.com/
there is lots more and the mundane details would further kill you. and crush you. but I shant. Shhh-ant.
The next post or one after that will be a return to expressing interest in new and old favorites pertaining to art, music, literature and related issues. For now it’s all about me me me. Selfish twit.
Love ye. Ah do.
Ye aw barry, ah ken this fer sure, but.
Listening to: Sonic Youth - Daydream Nation, The Smith - random, The Libertines - up the bracket, AFI - december underground (after all this time I finally like it), the prayers - god save the prayers, the vultures - sex bomb/ let them bleed 7", converge - no heroes, earth wind and fire - random hits, emperor - anthem to the welkin at dusck, Yys - ISIS, young jeezy - j.e.e.z.y., cold cave - myspace mp3’s, xoskeletons - bored by heaven, patrick wolf - magic position. And other stuff. duh.
