Sunday, September 30, 2007

Friends Vs. Scissors

Cookie cutter support.

It’s been a rough two weeks of rapid changes and finding out what some of my closest friends would do for me when I need it the very most. Oddly and scarily enough, the people who did the most to help me and get me through the bullshit, were people who didn’t really know me well enough to have to do anything. But I’ll never forget what they did for me and who was there vs. who wasn’t.

It’s a sad and harsh lesson when you realize that you can’t and shouldn’t expect people to do for you, what you’d do for them when you really need it. Sucks to say, but not only did quite a few people let me down, but a lot of them made me feel bad for even asking for help. I doubt anyone noticed, but I sincerely don’t WANT or ENJOY asking for help. It’s greeeeat to know the people I thought I could count on could make me feel like a burden or a failure for ever being at a low point. C’est la vie. I won’t break for anyone or anything and just like any low point in life, it’s only bound to last so long before people can get through it with some new clarity and a stronger sense of hope for self and love and respect for the few that stand up. In this case, quite a few people, despite their situations, offered me a lot. It means the world to me. I’ll never forget either side of the daggers I’ve been stabbed with. Thats just me.. Emotionally ranting and obviously maybe more affected in this situation by my own thoughts and feelings than maybe others would be. Love me or leave me.

Otherly, (is that a word?) things are still rapidly changing but atleast I have a place to lay my body down when I return to NY. I’m in Florida right now on vacation and it’s amazing to be here for more than two days w/ my family. I miss them so much but I’ve atleast committed myself to NY for the next couple of years.
My dog is amazing. He follows me around and has unlimited energy.

I flew in Saturday and The plane, while not full, was full of idiots. The flight attendant had to tell everyone around me to turn off their cell phones, mp3 players, as well as lifting their trays and sitting upright. Is this your first time flying?! Do you need to question what type of beverages are available?! Do I need to hear as soon as we land about everything you have in your mind to spew into your cell phone. Eep. Fucking cunts got nerve, in the worst way.

After touch down it wasn’t so hot out. Waiting for my dad to pick me up I watched the cab drivers scream at eachother. Thinking to myself, you all don’t have the guts to fight like the guy and girl who were scrapping in harlem just hours earlier as I watched from my room window. They were rolling around on a car hood and she was swinging some kind of diesel long stick at him. Without my glasses it appeared to be a man vs. tranny fight. Step your fight game up, FL cabbies.

I came home and greeted mom and dog quite happily. My dog in excitement ended up giving me a bruise on my face. I’ll pretend it’s cute and not mind it there. He’s awesome anyways.

After dinner with the folks went out to see a friend’s band play. He’s a drummer and his sister is a singer and they’re quite talented. Although it was christian music and was at a place of worship. If you know me, you can guess how uncomfortable I was at times. Although I’d do anything for my friends and it was WELL worth it to watch them. Sometimes you just have to do things like that, and it was amazing to see him again. They’ll go far if they keep at it.

Leaving at 12am I was talking to a friend about what she was doing but opted to go home and play w/ my dog and settle in since I had been on the run for so long and talking to people, making arrangements for this upcoming week.

Later I got a series of texts from her. This is how it went down.

Her: can I touch you
me: are you drunk?
Her: a little. And I want to make out.
(after this it was about 3am and I had fallen asleep)
her: where are you?
(35 min later)
her: ur gross

So I guess since I don’t give it up, I’m a gross slut. Meh. So be it. I’ve been called worse. I’ve been kicked out of better beds!

Slept till 12:30 today and it’s the latest I’ve slept since I’ve moved away. Amazing to be in my own bed. Esp, since in the last bed I was in, something was constantly biting my ass, hips, and thighs. Bed bugs? What the fuck are they, really?

This is so long, if you’re reading this you deserve 14 gold stars.

Going to see my brother tonight at his place. Trying to do as much as humanly possible while I’m here. I wish I could stay.

Reading ‘GLUE’ by irvine welsh. Amazing. It’s written in an english/scottish phonetic. So that took a while to get into. Now I fly through it. It’s about friendship and the lives of certain boys growing up in the Edinburgh projects. He’s a great writer and I’m learning so much slang and appreciation for his style of writing. He also wrote trainspotting amongst many other novels.

After I get home tonight I plan to write till the sun comes up, as long as there is substance in my head and heart.

Next vacation I think I’m going to Arizona. Those cats and kittens are the bestest. Or so it seems.

Peep this: http://andreajanderson.blogspot.com/

there is lots more and the mundane details would further kill you. and crush you. but I shant. Shhh-ant.

The next post or one after that will be a return to expressing interest in new and old favorites pertaining to art, music, literature and related issues. For now it’s all about me me me. Selfish twit.

Love ye. Ah do.
Ye aw barry, ah ken this fer sure, but.

Listening to: Sonic Youth - Daydream Nation, The Smith - random, The Libertines - up the bracket, AFI - december underground (after all this time I finally like it), the prayers - god save the prayers, the vultures - sex bomb/ let them bleed 7", converge - no heroes, earth wind and fire - random hits, emperor - anthem to the welkin at dusck, Yys - ISIS, young jeezy - j.e.e.z.y., cold cave - myspace mp3’s, xoskeletons - bored by heaven, patrick wolf - magic position. And other stuff. duh.

yum yum pollution

Dear scratchy cats,
Meowzers.
I don't know if I'm going to be writing this with any purpose but I'm sure its going to be long.

Another great weekend. Yikes. The sky must be falling. I spent friday night in brooklyn and then slept out on long island. I had a lot of fun. A bloody good time, if you will. Can't really ask for better company. Although there was at some point, a very annoying dog in the bed. A small one. Damn cat dogs. I smite thee.

Saturday morning I left and drove to lone wolf to get a new tattoo. Long island looked so beautiful and the weather was perfect before the ice age came and polar bears reigned. I got some old school daggers tattoo'd on both shoulders going into my neck. I think they look great. I hope so. I have terrible eye sight and worse judgement. Except I'm a great judge of character. My dad is going to be super pissed that it goes up onto my neck out of my shirt, but what can you do. The world still turns. And my parents love me no matter what.

This day was also joannes 1st tattoo. Very exciting. It came out super rad. Welcome to the bird club. Welcome.

Lots of memories were spoken of and unspoken of sat night. A pretty event.

I have the best tattoo artist ever. She has a horse and is possibly the nicest human being ever. Easily I coulkd rant non stop of her amazingness. I may go to pennsylvania (vampires?) to see her horse and the open world. The city can be a raging bitch. You into amazing photography?

www.blogspot.com/andreajanderson
That should work.

90% sure ill be moving to the upper east side soon. The building is super sick and the view from the roof let alone my room (which would be on the 17th floor) is rad. The building is pretty amazing. But expensive. But I'm gonna try and keep shit minimal if I live there, so why not? Its right by work. Which is the best thing. Kna'mean? Golly gosh.

I'll be in florida from 9/29 to 10/6. Should be funnnnn. 5 n's

I need to get the fuck out of harlem. Fast.

I start working nights soon. We shall play. Non?

Under pressure is playing in the apartment. Sometimes its nice to breathe. Even with all this pollution.

My head is spinning. I have NO idea about anything anymore. What a fucking time bomb. Oh well.

There is lots more but I should probably fake some fitness. And 2 and 3.

If love is a joke then I have a terrible sense of humor and don't get it.

Kiss kiss bang bang. <3

Listening to too much brit pop and reading goethe and irvine welsh.

Go watch this is england. The young boy is an amazing actor. Great flick. English slang is amazing.

Who wants to go shopping? This weekend. Ring me.

You can ring my bell.
Ring my bell.
XO

postage pre paid

When every letter is sent from heaven.

So I'm sitting in a florida airport after a quick weekend visit. I think I'm here so early that I have 2 hrs before I board the plane. So to avoid the bored and plain I suppose a blog from the sidekick will have to sustain.

While I at one time and for a long time considered florida the worst place to reside, I must retract my sentiments. I had an amazing weekend. As usual, the smallest things are what mean the most to me and for sure they were in abundance the past two days.

Flew in late friday night/early saturday morning. The flight was the perfect blend of screaming children, hostile flight attendants, and obese fragrances from passangers who force you to share your seat with them. Although, I don't recall anyone paying part of my ticket. Honestly though, I can't ask for anything more than not to die in the sky. Mission accomplished, one way.

Jennifer picked me up and wisked me away to her apartment in the sky. Something heavenly anyways. The 9th floor is close enough. Every visit here makes me realize ill never buy a place in ny and it might not be worth it anyways. The great debate inside me continues. Culture & art, vs. Comfort and security. Years from now ill see where I end up. Her apartment shreds. I missed her little dogs stomping on my crotch as I sleep. Well, not really that aspect.

Early the next day my pops picked me up and brought my dog. Dogs are the best things ever created by the woman in the sky. Got to see my dad and mom. Far too short a trip. Atleast I was able to take my dog for a long walk and play w him for hours. Actually when he came into my room sunday morning jen couldn't believe how big he was. She kept saying how big his head was. I'll refreain from all the 'that's what she said' and 'in your face' comments. Anyways, he's 8/9 months old and still growing into the best dinosaur ever.

I was able to sort through all the vinyl (the prayers,finally punk,the vultures, etc) that has been collecting at my house. Good stuff. There was also a copy of wesley eisold's 'death beds' waiting for me. It's beautifully packaged and layed out. This amongst other things has surley stirred some motivation in me. New writings are under way and possibly quite different. Possibly not.

I got two tickets to go see morrisey at the hammerstein ballroom on october 26th. A friday. Anyone is welcome to buy the 2nd ticket. Though its pricey. I might just give it to someone. Who knows. Ill post about its availability later. I'm very excited though.

So much has changed, but mostly in me. Or I don't know why everything feels so different to me.

Ill be at lonewolf tattoo on longisland next sat. If anyone wants to roll through and say hello to me. It would be nice.

If you don't love yourself, no one will. And medication from behind the bathroom mirror will only take you so far as you drift to sleep in someone elses bed.

Anyways I'm staring out onto the runway watching other peoples lovers and enemies take flight and touch down. I wonder what I am to most who know me as I intend to do the same.

You are not forced to read even the shortest word, let alone this far. But I'll continue. Never checking for typos and spelling errors.

So apparently the gods of television care about the mortals who revel in stupidity. I am one them. New seasons or flavor of love and I love NY are on the way. Although whitney and I are on oppostie sides of the country, we might as well be sitting on the same couch when these shows start up.

I've got a week long vacation in 3 weeks. I might be right back here but ill get to see alot of great people next time.

My mind races and despite the desire to include even more boring and tedious details I'm going to read and watch people walk by while the universe rotates around them. Glad I've taken a seat on the outside. Just to sit and sample the seasons. I think I love it.
Good night, as I return to harlem. Xo

...the woman next to me has a child who keeps running up to me and smiling. He's cute. Kids seem great but I'm selfish and use condoms. And will continue to do so. For a very long time.

Oh, and my mom was being cute and watched UFC with me last night. Even she said hamil got robbed. I'm a bisping fan but that was fucking bullshit. Hamil owned that fight. Crooked fuckin refs. Boooooo


<3

as always, a pre plane crash blog.

I hate flying.

Dearest cats and kittens,
Its been too long. (That's what she said?)
Well, in the spirit of "there's nothing to do", I've been doing more than usual and plan to try and keep it shakin' accordingly.
1stly, work is an over rated activity. Much like crystal meth. But don't take my word for it....
But, theyz beez payinz the billz. Wordz?

Serena williams just got eliminated for the us open. Really sad. I was freaking out on the couch. Like I need more reasons to have anxiety. Despite the loss (she lost to the 1 female tennis player in the world) she is incredible. Shes so talented and beautiful. Obviously I'm in love. Ambitious and talented women are where its at. Gosh.

I've been reading a ton lately since I'm always on a fuckin train. Getting lost. Who knew the A (which was actually the E) goes to australia. Waaaaay to pay attention. Croikey!

Going on a secret (not really secret anymore) mission to florida this weekend. Ill be there for about 10 minutes. I'll only have time to see jennifer (ftd sf07) and my family. Radical dog included. Hooray swimming and dog walking. Ill have a proper vacation and see everyone in oct. Geoffrey rules. Furman. German.

Should be getting new tattoo work (<3 andrea) done next week. Hopefully ill plan some long island fun afterwards. I wanna see a lot of people.

Planning on going to see morrissey since he's playing 5 or 6 nights at the hammerstein. I'll also get an extra ticket for whomever, but moz is always pricey. Crazy setting tho!

I need to go see the movies 'this is england' and 'control'. Look them up and lets go.

Went to a labor day bash in jersey. Much fun was had. Driving in the city blows tho.
I've determined that drunk girls are the worst thing ever. Not the fun type. The crying/fighting type. Take my word for it. Bitches need to groooow up. Quick.

Ewww. Been feeling feverish lately. Hopefully not the result of a zombie bite. Hopefully.

Going to see an apt in the bronx this week. I neeeeeed my own place. Help me look. Plz. Kthnx.

Although everyone who wanted me to come back to NY hasn't really hung out, perhaps I'm getting into my own swing again. Parks are crucial.

Writing kinda a lot for the next zine.

I kinda think that's all for now. I need a computer. Sidekick blogs are not fun.

Florida pics to come after this weekend.

Lets go shopping for clothes. Then slumber party. Ofcourse.

If you don't wanna be my friend, then stop lurking my blog. All of you stalker types. <3

lots more music and art related stuff later.

God save the queens.
Xo

GoodNight Moon

Goodnight Moon
Current mood: tired

After a long whack day of work (work pretty much sucks) I decided to go down to team gallery to check out the lastest installation by banks violette since this is the last week they'll have it there. Im so glad I went down. I was really into it and like what he does. The black mirrors on the ceiling to go along w the lights from the main piece which was upside down, was a beatiful touch.

Being by canal st I love the little woman that whisper as you walk buy selling the faux designer gooods. "Chanel,fendi,gucci". They're great. Burrberry. Yay,

Hopefully there will be a great party this weekend. Otherwise ill ....just find something else to do.

Apartment hunting starts in a week. Itd be cheaper to have a roomie but I like my quiet time.

Starting tomorrow its fullspeed ahead for work on a new zine. Gstq003. I do have a tentative title. Plus an idea for a cassette release with it. Plus printing shirts and srickers. We shall see. I need some artistic release.

I could fall asleep now but I might watch LA ink. Even though its pretty terrible.

Can't keep my eyes open...
Love you.

Karate Kiss

Becareful when asking a woman when the baby is due.

She just might be fat.
Sometimes its really hard to tell.

Its nice to unwind after a long hellish week. Most old people are awful. But their weak hips make taking them out kinda easy.

I hear rumors that my roomies are throwing a super bash on friday. Call me if your interested.

I feel like cd's will soon be a dead format. Good. Cause I hate them. Team vinyl!
<3

Apartment hunting soon. Very stoked.

Soon from gstq: stickers, t shirts, new zine, and one repress.

Lots to do. It'll all get done. Somehow.

I miss a lot of people. Distance is always an issue in my life, no matter where I am.

More to say and talk about but it sucks to do this on my sidekick. Still no home internet access. Oh well. New celly. Drop me a message if you need it.

XO. You know?

playing catch up

I haven't had a computer in ages. or months. It feels like a lifetime. I'm just gonna copy and past the last few missing blogs, and i'll be all caught up. ya dig?